The Waiting Game

Waiting can always be such a nuisance, waiting for the subway, waiting for the stop light, waiting for the judges verdict, waiting for the "big question", waiting for the birth, waiting for the growth. Waiting is a game of life that we are all used to in one way or another.

I think as an actor, we consider waiting a part of everyday life. Waiting for the audition, waiting for the callback, waiting for the call that we booked the job, waiting for the film date, waiting for the paycheck, waiting for the next big thing. We are constantly in a circle of waiting. I have been waiting for things all my life and sometimes the waiting just becomes to much. So what does one do when that waiting is just enough already? Do you continue waiting or do you start looking for other ways to get around the waiting?

This past year has been an endless medley of waiting for me. From the moment I stepped foot off the airplane in Los Angeles, its a waiting game. I have had an amazing year, don't get me wrong, I have made some amazing friends and had some amazing opportunities put in my path. For that I'm so grateful, but what happens when your life becomes nothing but waiting? What happens when your very existence is nothing but a test of what is next?

I struggle with this question every day lately, for the last five months, since I have been let go from my day job, a job that I loathed, but did excellent, I have struggled. Barely getting by and for the love of many friends in my life the only reason I have gotten by. I got a new manager who has gotten me into some pretty awesome offices in Los Angles and so grateful for that. But when will my dice come up? When will I finally roll that number and it is my turn in this game of Craps?

Thank G-d I have an amazing love of my life by my side who is always there with support and love and don't have to focus on finding "the one", I already have. Thank G-d I have amazing friends that are always there for me, be a ride to an audition and then airport while getting a parking ticket because I overslept and they didn't have my number, or that friend just listening to me moan about the craziness that is my life at times, or sharing a Banana Split at IHOP in the wee hours of the morning or always there with a big smile and hearty hug or just because they are there...yes these friends make this game called life so much more better waiting, like being in the waiting room at the hospital, sick out of your mind and a friend shows up to see how you are doing late in the evening and stays with you till you are checked in and then goes home. Friends make this waiting game so much better.

Every day new things come in my life and I meet new and amazing people, I have to be careful though, I immediately fall for people, based on their hearts, Ray says that I am easily manipulated and easily way to good of a person for this world. Can that truly be? Can a person be too gullible and too generous of a person and too good for their own good?

I don't know answers to most of these questions, I have to believe that something Greater is around the corner, that all this pain and waiting and struggle can't be for nothing. Michael Emerson won an Emmy tonight, he didn't get his first film gig till he was 36, so what does that say? Don't f'ing give up, right!? I'm so close I know this, I just have to keep waiting, so while I wait, want to share stories?

"In life, we have three choices...live, love, laugh!"